leonard

Happy New Year! A little late. I know. Things have been a little busy in Lisa Land! This entry is not characteristic of what I have posted before, but I was inspired to write it. Hopefully that is reason enough.

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On Monday night I met Leonard.

He started talking to me while I was on the phone with a friend and asked for $2 to get a burger. My knee jerk reaction was to say, "no". What would he really do with the $2? Then a wave of guilt followed, knowing I had just exited a planning meeting with an organization to help homeless families regain housing and jobs. I was ashamed at how quick I was to reject the person I just said I was committed to helping. As a compromise, I told him I would buy him a burger just up the street at Johnny Rockets. He politely refused and said if I just gave him $5, he could get a burger, fries and a drink at a place near his area. By this point I was dead set on knowing where my money was going and I continued walking fast toward Johnny Rockets.

"Leonard," I said, "I'm going to get you something better! And it will probably cost even more!" He tried to reason with me and repeated, "Baby, please, I want to go to the place down the street, a burger, fries and drink for $5! I know it's good." A couple walked quickly past me, uncomfortable at the scene was starting to make. I didn't budge. "Have you even tried Johnny Rockets? It's good...come on, follow me. I'll get you some food." Leonard was not convinced, but continued to follow me, bumbling and fumbling, trying to reason that his place was better. I was agitated. "I'm doing you a FAVOR, Leonard!" Eventually he settled on Subway. He was giddy and asked if he could get chips and a soda too. I fought past my annoyance at Leonard, and asked about his life. How long has he been this way? Did he have a job? If he wasn't on disability what would he be doing? I felt peoples' eyes staring at me in the restaurant. They seemed to say, you are perpetuating the cycle of homelessness in Downtown LA by giving this man a hand out. I knew it was true. And as I learned about Leonard's current situation, I knew that he wasn't trying to get back on his feet again any time soon.

But what was I supposed to do? Leave him to starve? Leonard would have gone around asking for food or money until he got some anyway. When I encounter homelessness I am filled with frustration. I've come to understand that there are a lot of systems and cycles that knock people down push them to live on the streets. But that knowledge leaves me feeling even more powerless. I want to love those that are less fortunate and do something more than hand out food. I desire to see past my prejudices and not see homelessness as just another problem we have to clean up.

So what do I do?

Lord, help me with the powerlessness I feel, give me a heart of compassion and wisdom to make a difference.